How To Know If You’re Transgender

Hey everybody! I’m Victoria Rose, a 27-year-old woman of transgender experience and founder of Transgender Zone. Today I want to talk about the question that starts so many transitions: “Am I trans?”

Coming to terms with being transgender means accepting a lot of truths because your life is going to change. Your body will be changing. You’ll have to share some of those changes with the people in your life, and you’ll establish a path to building gender euphoria and making the outside match the inside.

Announcing Our New Free Quiz

We are very excited to announce our new free quiz on transgenderzone.com: the Am I Trans? Quiz. We worked hard to build the best quiz on the internet, one that asks you meaningful questions and gives you results on how likely it may be that you’re transgender.

This quiz is built off my experiences, the experiences of many of our members, as well as the medical criteria that clinicians use for diagnosis. Now, this quiz is not a diagnosis. No one’s telling you that you are or are not trans. If you got a high or a low score, that doesn’t necessarily mean one thing or another. This is meant to be a tool to help you along your journey, and this is one of the first steps in understanding your gender identity.

My Personal Signs: How I Knew

Here’s the thing – not every trans experience is the same. Your answers won’t be mine, mine won’t be yours, and that’s why we made the quiz. But today, I want to share some of my personal experiences on how I knew that I was transgender – things that I can look back on and I’m like, “Well, that is a clear sign that I’m trans.”

“The person in the mirror doesn’t feel like me”

When I would look in the mirror, it wasn’t just regular teen concerns. It wasn’t just that I had acne or thought I looked overweight – I had those days too. But when I would look in the mirror, I would feel so horrified with every change that happened, and I just felt fundamentally wrong.

I used to cry and sob every single time I got a haircut. They had to take me to a salon instead of a barber because when I was young, I would throw a fit if they brought me to the barber and cry the whole time. Cutting my hair felt like such a betrayal. I just wanted long, flowing hair down my back like I have now, and it was such a heartbreaking moment for me.

I started exploring alternative fashion, not only because I loved the music and the subculture, but also because I needed an outlet and an excuse to express my femininity. I had long hair and I was goth, I was emo. I wasn’t trans – I was just alternative, right?

“My given name and pronouns made me uncomfortable”

I was always trying to get nicknames to stick, but they never did. Anytime they would separate the girls and the boys for sports or school activities, I would always get in trouble because I would try to hide on the girls’ side. I would try to hide behind one of my female friends and they would always try to shield me. They’d stand tall and I’d duck behind them, but I would inevitably get caught.

I remember one time in particular when they called students up to collect papers by gender. I got up with the girls and the teacher said, “You’re not a girl, you can’t do that.” So they sent me back to my seat. I tried to explain, “I’m not a boy either,” and this was before I transitioned. They told me to go back to my seat. When they called up the boys, I didn’t get up for that either, but a couple of guys actually got me a paper, which was surprisingly kind of them. I hated being separated into girls and boys because I wasn’t a boy.

“I had dreams and thoughts of being the opposite gender”

I used to daydream and fantasize about what I wanted to look like, and since I was an artist who drew constantly, I was always drawing what I wanted to look like. I always gravitated towards the female characters. My main in Super Smash Bros was always Zelda.

When I was around 8 years old, I used to make my own dolls out of popsicle sticks and triangular coffee filters as dresses, with yarn for hair. Sometimes I’d add little googly eyes or draw two dots and a smile on the popsicle stick for a face because I wasn’t allowed to have dolls. I would hide them under my bed or in my toy box.

I used to tie a T-shirt or towel on my head and pretend it was long hair. I would walk around the house this way and tell my parents to call me a feminine version of my given name. I remember doing it all the time, but apparently, I was doing it even before I have memories of it.

“Living the rest of my life as my assigned gender would feel like torture”

Whenever you’re struggling, it’s easier to try and find comfort in the day-to-day. But long-term, who do you want to be? Because transition is a lifelong change. When I would think about myself aging, it wasn’t that I was afraid of aging – it was that I was terrified of aging as a male. I was just absolutely petrified.

I had no interest in being a father. I had interest in being a mother, you know, like I had interest in being in that role or having children, potentially. But I knew I never wanted to be a father, and the idea of me growing into an older man, or just even a man in general, was just absolutely petrifying to me. I could only really see myself growing old as an older woman.

“My body and what happened through puberty made me deeply uncomfortable”

I would wake up every morning in absolute fear that my voice would be deeper, that I would have more facial hair, or that I would suddenly have chest hair. The idea of getting closer to being a man was so scary to me.

In gym class when we had to change, I would be placed with the boys, and it was so embarrassing for me. I felt like when I took my shirt off, I was exposing myself inappropriately. I didn’t like changing in front of the boys, so I decided to start changing in the stalls because I felt like I shouldn’t be exposing myself to them.

“If there were no social consequences, I would flip a switch to be the opposite gender”

Before I ever knew what being trans was, I used to pray and wish that I would wake up as a girl one day. I wished that I would experience some kind of body swap like in Freaky Friday or magically transform like in Ranma ½. I wished so deeply that I would just wake up and be a girl.

I remember playing Pokémon as a kid when it gave you the choice of being a girl or a boy, and I would always choose girl. I thought, “You better believe I’m absolutely going to be a girl in this game!”

Take the Quiz and Join Our Community Today

These experiences of mine helped inspire this quiz, but it’s built not only from my experience, but also from the experiences of so many of our members. If you want to explore further, visit transgenderzone.com and take this free quiz.

If you’re looking for community in your transition, visit transgenderzone.com. It is the first ever trans-owned, trans-only online learning community where trans folks can make real friends, get live expert guidance, and make serious progress in their transition for as little as $5 a month.

I’d love to see you there. Until next time, take care of yourself and I’ll see you in the community.